I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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