A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
