Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
