and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
