Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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