Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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