she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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