Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
