Barsexuality is the new black.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
