after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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