I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
