I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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