When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
