hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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