You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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