Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
