By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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