do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
