yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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