is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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