I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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