Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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