I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
