I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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