My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I need moral support for this bender
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
