Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
