Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
