I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
