Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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