Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
