i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
