Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
