Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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