On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
