Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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