the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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