don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
