Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
