The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
