cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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