While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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