why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
