a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
