I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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