If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
