dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
