I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
