thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
