Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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