dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i love accidental penises.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
