Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
